Wednesday, March 31, 2010

The Seven Month Itch...

A funny thing happened since my last blog post... I forgot how to breathe.  As life threw one curve ball after another at me, I felt as if I was sucking small gasps of air through clenched teeth instead of nice, deep inhales and exhales.

I felt as if the only thing I had to say was a scream or a sob... and I felt crushed.

I’d had such grand plans when I dove into this experiment 7 months ago.  I had wonderful visions of filling each day with more joy and creativity than the day before.  I envisioned the wonderful, enviable person I would become as I shared this wonderful adventure with an eager, waiting world out there in cyberspace.  It was like a honeymoon!

This past month has definitely been more like a couple who have been married at least 7 years... the sparkle was starting to wear off as life kept crashing down around me.

I started to resent my Creativity when it whispered that I should take a bit of time out of the chaos to just breathe.  It was like a partner suddenly pointing out an annoying habit of leaving the cap off the toothpaste or socks on the floor.

As I threw myself into the colouring book illustration project with all the changes and approvals, the shift in personnel and the inner demons of self-doubt, my Creativity waited patiently, like a faithful lover waits on the couch on a Friday night for their partner to come home from overtime at the office.

As I scrambled to finish a knitted afghan for a member of my faith family struck down suddenly only to have them die before I could finish it, my Creativity hugged me in comfort and whispered that there would be someone else to appreciate the gift in time.

As I drove my hands, eyes and body to the brink with multiple deadlines, my Creativity chided me to find a better balance the way a spouse would point out that too many cookies is bad for the waistline.

I tried ignoring Creativity’s voice reminding me to just inhale and exhale, to imagine a bit, to dream a bit and to just ride this rough patch through.  I felt I had nothing to say to it, to myself or to the world.

Now with some of the deadlines passed and a crop of new pressures on the horizon, my Creativity and I have entered a new, deeper relationship.  I have learned that I don’t have to justify this adventure to myself or make it live up to some impossible standard, I just have to go through the process.

One breath at a time.




As I look back on what I did during the past  41 days of my life and the silence here in cyberspace, I can see how my Creativity prodded me, encouraged me and pestered me into living this adventure despite myself.  Here’s how I know.

• the lap quilt that would have been for Betty if she'd survived the stroke and heart attack...

• the scarf I finished for Erin just as the last of the snow melted...

• the ornament I designed and stitched for next fall's JCS ornament issue... sorry, you only get a tiny peek!

• the denim blue moss stitch scarf that only worked in the car and not at the volleyball games.  I kept forgetting to K or P!

• the logo designed for a friend's family reunion this summer...

• a glimpse at two of the quick sketches I did on my tablet hooked up to the smart board during a school visit where
Paul Burns (author of Owen & the Dinosaur) and I did an enrichment workshop where they created stories as a group while I illustrated the panels.

• the pink wool I picked up to knit a baby blanket for my cousin's little daughter who was just born a few weeks ago.  It is half done thanks to a 2 day tournament in Halifax as well as the drive there and back...

No Inhale or Exhale tonight... just the whisper "I'm Back!"


  1. Yay! So happy to see you back - but sorry for the trials that lead to your absence!

    Hope you and yours are all well.

  2. YAY!!!!!! We did miss you and your inspiration...a very wise woman once told me, "Sometimes your moment of inspiration becomes a moment of perspiration. Just remember that the hard work (perspiration), will lead to an even better dream than you had imagained!"

    Stacey in NS
    Glad to have you back and that you've accomplished a lot!

  3. So glad to see you back - I've missed you!! I'm just sorry that it wasn't good stuff keeping you too busy to post!!But despite NOT feeling that you accomplished anything - you really did!! Look at the joy on Erin's face!! The family that will have a symbol of strength and growth! And the inspiration that you inspired in the class while drawing!! You don't know - you may have inspired a fellow artist!! You give in so many ways - you do so much good - but not in ways that can be easily measured - just know that just being the person that you are is terrific!!!